I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
