He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
