better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
