Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
