he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
