definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
