she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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