chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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