Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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