Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
