i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
