so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
