I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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