you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
