I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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