you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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