Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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