Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
