he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
