When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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