i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize