I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
