Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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