The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
