I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
