that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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