i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she told me i tasted like america
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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