Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's like iHOP with fire
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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