And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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