Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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