Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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