like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
