Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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