I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
