Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
