Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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