i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
