My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
