I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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