A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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