Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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