i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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