one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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