i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize