No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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