Rock
Scissors
Fuck
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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