Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
