i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
