I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
