I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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