I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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