During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
