im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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