He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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