He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
