Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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