I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
