No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
