Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Your dad touched me again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
