She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
