I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Randomize
