Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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