I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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