ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
