Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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