My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
