I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize