Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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