party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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