peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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