This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
