Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
