I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
