And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
