i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
